They like me… They really like me.

So many people struggle with the fear of rejection. Oftentimes rejecting ourselves before others can reject us.  We wonder if we are good enough, if we are likable, if we are enjoyed. We ponder when we leave if others take notice of us, if they say kind words, or if they talk shit.  We can be so insecure about what others think of us. We hope to find things in common. We seek to show others sides of ourselves that they will be attracted to.
Artists are especially insecure showing people who they are through their work. They take people’s opinions so personal when their work is critiqued as if they are subject to the same criticisms. However, if we do not share our lives with others, the world would be lacking great masterpieces.
I realize people may think they know me by reading my blog postings. The truth is unless people actually know me, unless they have personal relationships with me, unless they ask questions, inquire, and communicate with me, they will only have assumptions and judgements about me. People will only see  glimpses of my thought life. They may think they know what instances I am talking about when I am actually speaking of an observation rather than a personal involvement. People will not fully know what I have gone through, what I have experienced, and what I have endured to get to where I am. They will not know my thought processes, my heart, or the words I leave unspoken.
I have come to accept people will filter my words through their own paradigms. Through this one way communication people will hear only my written voice. They will not see my eyes, hear my tone, or study my body language. So much of what I have to say is like my personal diary which is left opened to interpretation by others. I do not feel the need to over explain myself or defend my words.
I am writing for myself and I am allowing others to see inside. I am writing for others so I can let go. I am sure I will close my eyes at night and question weather or not I should have said something at all or if I should have stated something in a different way. It was when I discovered even Stephen Spielberg questions his work and ability that I have hope. I can be free to create without trying and be myself. I am sure there will be times I second guess myself but at least I will not live with the regret of not having put myself out there.

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