Monthly Archives: November 2012

Bullied!

Bully!
Gnashing their teeth to intimidate. Growling along the fence line with threatening barks. All with the intention of giving you the intended impression of fear. They are loud, out spoken, and aggressive.  They do not care what is in their path. Unsatisfied with wounding alone, they seek to utterly destroy. They have one mission: to shred you to pieces.

Like abused Pit Bulls who are trained and breed to be fighters, bullies appear to battle to the death. With suicide on the rampage, a simple “joke” turns a person into a “hypersensitive _______” (fill in the blank with any degrading remark). Not being pack dogs they look out for themselves. They thrive alone, in their own world. We are cautious of them in general. Like prey hunted by a predator, we seek to avoid them.

We all know of the bully on the play yard. We avoid eye contact and even walk the other direction. We have no recourse but to circumvent contact with them altogether. We do not know how to stand up to them without engaging. This only furthers their outbursts. Playing “I’m rubber, you’re glue” does not appear to work when you have to see them on any sort of regular basis.

Out of fear they tear us apart with their hurtful words, while we experience helplessness. We have nothing to offer besides blood to satisfy their incessant behavior. They use intimidation to manipulate. If that does not work, the bully uses their power to coerce others to rally around them and reject their opponent as an outcast. They find “grace” and “excuses” for their actions, while they shame and humiliate their target.

So many people are afraid of what others think of them. It feels as though you are naked in front of a crowd of people laughing and making fun of who you are.  In disgust, they point fingers at you as if to complain about your very being. We will go so far as to change ourselves so to avert the discomfort we are sensing. We hide ourselves to abstain from this type of ridicule. This does not just happen to children. Many adults are effected by bullying as well. Racism, agism, sexism, and much more stem from people’s disdain for those unlike themselves.

Others are made fun of, put down, or bashed on for something they did. Many people get stuck in the moment of their greatest failure, trapped by their past mistakes. They can be bullied, shamed, embarrassed, and gossiped about and now are “destined” to repeat future failures. Like the Amanda Todd’s, those who could not run from their past, resort to escaping from it, only to find hell was a place on earth.

Confidence is the only thing that can disarm a bully. It is so far from who they are, they have know idea what to do with a person who is secure. It confuses the crap out of them to find a person unaffected by their puffed up demeanor. Unwavering, “come-what-may”, bold truth stands in the face of anger and is humbly victorious. The battle is not won through blunt force. It is through the knowledge of no matter what, you can walk away with your head held high.

Do not sink to their level. You are not immature or  petty. Do not give into their drama or get sucked into their tornado of emotions. Take back your authority and don’t give them power over you by taking on their insecurities. Do not obsess over what they think about you. Their opinion is simply that… theirs. They do not respect you, so why give ear to their hate?

When people make fun of others it tells more about their internal condition than it does about the person they are making fun of. A person’s lack of self control will cause them to make digs, poke fun, mock, or even out and out slam others so they can feel better about themselves and their insecurities. Bullies are often jealous of their victims. They struggle with their own self-worth and lack of personal esteem.

People who become so introspective about who they really are become immobilized. When we focus on helpless, negative and depressing thoughts it leads to a dark place. Though bullying should stop and people should not cause others intentional harm with their words, we also need to cultivate confidence, self-esteem, and a healthy identity. If you want to succeed in life and you want your children to succeed, stop giving ear to the haters, stop fearing mistakes, and do not worry about perphectionism!

Acceptance and approval are important for all of us humans, it is where we are getting them from that matters the most. We may not be able to stop from being bullied, however, the worst thing we could do is agree with the bullies. Our biggest mistake is trying to please those who have know idea who we are or frankly, who they are. Like a black hole they suck the life from others and we can never fill their void. When we respond to their prideful ignorance, we fall into a pit that has no bottom.

The only power they have over us is the power we give them. When we try to please them it makes them feel justified in their actions. When we reject their remarks we may anger them more. However, we walk away in peace while they remain tormented.

May we forgive the bullies of the world, for they themselves are also hurting. May we gain confidence in who we are so we act accordingly. May we value others and treat them as the priceless creatures they are. May we live unafraid and let love be our compass.

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Filtered!

Filtered!
Is it what we have been smoking or the filter we are using that causes misunderstandings?

I have wrote several blogs by now. Each of which has their own unique subject matter. I have written poems, stream of conscious thoughts, and stories from my life and lives of those around me. It is fascinating to hear how people interpret my words. They have filtered what I have written through their own individual paradigms, and some have blown smoke rings (and even fire) in return.

What I find intriguing is during this process I am attempting to convey the pure content in my heart with words. This is one filter. The next filter is how people read my words and the meanings they attach to them according to their world view. My very thoughts, feelings, and written dialect (or at least people’s interpretations of them) become subject to those inhaling it, making it their own.

According to what others think, believe, and may or may not have experienced, they will filter what they read, hear, and perceive. This is why relationships are so important. This is why discussion is vital, two way communication that allows clarification to surface. This is why it is paramount to keep ourselves from jumping to conclusions….there might be a cliff we don’t know about.

This is also when judgements are so damaging and narrow minds interfere with perceptions. This is when broken, infected places in the heart are poked and prodded and breakdown in communication inevitably happens.

It is essential to renew our minds to see through the lenses of others. We tend to get hung up on verbiage rather than seeking the heart of a matter. When we do this we end up criticizing those who are not like us. We take their words personally and attack their character. We fail to objectively argue ideas.

This is why objectively managing our own filter is so critical. People who are looking for good will find it. Those that look for evil, see it everywhere. What we focus on will be highlighted. However, there is such a bigger picture than our narcissistic view. Just like in the movie Inception, even our own perception of our own inner world can be so limited, so subjective.

Those who go through anger management are taught to articulate their frustrations rather than giving into their rage. Our emotions are simply another filter. They themselves are neither good nor bad. It is what we do with them that brings them to life.

Intuitive people have a special gift. They easily make assumptions. It gives us quick access to insight, allowing us to make judgements about situations in someone else’s life. We can surmise who, what, when, where, and why with natural ability. Yet, as intuitive as people can be, even they can project their imagination into the equation, and misinterpret the information they are discerning the most. Again this is why relationship and communication is so vital.

I understand the more I blog the more people will connect with what I have to say. More people are going to relate to experiences I have had in life. And more people are going to misinterpret what I am saying. The more popular one becomes the more misunderstandings there are about that person. It is common to spread rumors about people you do not know personally and have no vested interest in their well-being. Does that mean I should not share my stories? Should I live in fear and hide my heart? Should I feel the need to over explain my every word so as to avoid misinterpretation and misunderstanding? Or should I just simply put myself out there the best I can, knowing how perfectly imperphect I am, letting that simply be more than okay?!

This blog is not a tabloid. I am not trying to exploit myself or those I care about. This is not a gossip column for my stalkers to relish over. This is not so people can use my words against me or to harm those I care about. The opinions of people who do not like us should not matter. They will have nothing uplifting, encouraging or inspiring to say anyway. What they say and think about us says more about them than it does about us. It is those we hold in high regard, those we are accountable to, those who give us constructive criticism through love… those are the ones we must trust. We need not seek approval from others anyhow. Our identity and approval should always come out of our relationship God first.

This is a place of healing, for me and, hopefully, for others. This is an outlet for me to reach an audience I may never otherwise come in contact with. I understand I am a little raw. I am very transparent. I am being extremely vulnerable. Through this I aspire to bring hope to others. I seek to move people to forgive, to let go of their fears, and to dream again. I am determined to get people out of perphectionism and into in a place of joy!

Recommendations:

Battlefield Of The Mind

Interpersonal Communication


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