Monthly Archives: May 2013

Silencing the Voices

52c1b49ecf592b5ecf6c664eba6c7e33

Voices raced through my head as if I was standing in the middle of grand central station. Instantly I was agoraphobic, yet I was alone in my room. I snapped back to reality as the person on the other end of the phone line became the most important person in my world. I must become present and attentive, I thought to myself. My response, my reaction, my perspective will have lasting impacts on this person. I must quiet everyone else’s judgements, gossips, and condemning words.

Duct tape in the imagination can work wonders on the voices of friends, family, loved ones, and not so loved ones who are speaking in my mind. As the truth about the situation arose to the top of my thought processes I felt peace penetrate my soul. I swallowed my pride, my desire for idealism and perphectionsim. I did not panic. I knew everything was going to work out and people would have their opinions regardless of what was going on. If my life was on the tabloids, it would sell. Why? Because people eat up drama. And boy have I been through some dramatic moments.

I began to question why did I care what others think of me? Why did I care what they had to say or what their opinion was? I am walking in relationship with someone I care deeply about. Everyone else gets to choose their own path. They can deal with their own fears, insecurities, pains, and issues. Even if I heard their disapproving comments, I have control over myself alone. I chose to silence the voices in my head and the power I had previously given them in my life.

The only voices I give credence to are the ones who are willing to walk through life with me. They are people full of wisdom and experience. They know me. They know my heart. They will take the time to speak into my life in truth and love. Those people have the ability to make me feel vulnerable and safe at the same time, and their opinion is greatly valued.

By the time I had finished my phone conversation I had processed through a myriad of emotions. I felt and experienced raw emotions derived organically as I was receiving information. As I encountered each new wave of voices I silenced their voice with this truth: Though at times this is not an ideal life, it is a really good one.

Advertisements

Never Enough

47f030e96a92f75cd6bb2fa1bd39cf31

Never Enough!

    We lose heart before we start,
Listening to the voices in our heads.

Seeking approval from those we desire affection.
All in all we desire a deep connection.

It came from our parents, our, siblings, our friends,
It came from our culture, our race, the trends.

This feeling of inadequacy that doesn’t subside.
It causes us stress, grief, and pain inside.

We have become jealous like Cain with Able.
We chose not to believe the truth over a fable.

We compare ourselves to others only to discover our flaws.
We exaggerate our weaknesses, our value, and our cause.

We have adapted a victim mentality,
Clinching tighter to our pain.

If only our parents would have done this different,
and our teachers done that.
Our dreams would not have been crushed,
and our wallets would be fat.

Truth is… We agree with the lies we have been told;
Especially the ones we tell ourselves.

We put limits on what we view as risk.
We hesitate in fear and apprehension,
And, untrusting we recoil.

Night terrors haunt us like the unrest of weary soldiers.
Still, day after day we begrudgingly toil.

When success eventually comes on any level,
The unresolved what’s next is soon to follow.

When will our world cave in and all the naysayers win?
Such negative foreboding can prod the most optimistic people.

We affirm the discouraging words,
Giving ear to such negative things.
When we push past disappointment we struggle to hang on,
Praying our coping mechanisms will be faithful.

Our peace has been tested.
Our faith has been tried.

Our support systems stretched,
As they know us well and can judge just as harsh.

When we do walk in humility, confidence, & safety,
It feels like we have to fight to remain there.

To relinquish control and live in freedom appears irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous.
Instead of walking in faith and love,
We choose to entertain our fears and trust their ability to deliver.

Wholeness is hard,
Truth is more than perspective,
And the right thing comes from the heart,
Not because we are told we should.


%d bloggers like this: