Voices raced through my head as if I was standing in the middle of grand central station. Instantly I was agoraphobic, yet I was alone in my room. I snapped back to reality as the person on the other end of the phone line became the most important person in my world. I must become present and attentive, I thought to myself. My response, my reaction, my perspective will have lasting impacts on this person. I must quiet everyone else’s judgements, gossips, and condemning words.
Duct tape in the imagination can work wonders on the voices of friends, family, loved ones, and not so loved ones who are speaking in my mind. As the truth about the situation arose to the top of my thought processes I felt peace penetrate my soul. I swallowed my pride, my desire for idealism and perphectionsim. I did not panic. I knew everything was going to work out and people would have their opinions regardless of what was going on. If my life was on the tabloids, it would sell. Why? Because people eat up drama. And boy have I been through some dramatic moments.
I began to question why did I care what others think of me? Why did I care what they had to say or what their opinion was? I am walking in relationship with someone I care deeply about. Everyone else gets to choose their own path. They can deal with their own fears, insecurities, pains, and issues. Even if I heard their disapproving comments, I have control over myself alone. I chose to silence the voices in my head and the power I had previously given them in my life.
The only voices I give credence to are the ones who are willing to walk through life with me. They are people full of wisdom and experience. They know me. They know my heart. They will take the time to speak into my life in truth and love. Those people have the ability to make me feel vulnerable and safe at the same time, and their opinion is greatly valued.
By the time I had finished my phone conversation I had processed through a myriad of emotions. I felt and experienced raw emotions derived organically as I was receiving information. As I encountered each new wave of voices I silenced their voice with this truth: Though at times this is not an ideal life, it is a really good one.