Tag Archives: approval

Never Enough

47f030e96a92f75cd6bb2fa1bd39cf31

Never Enough!

    We lose heart before we start,
Listening to the voices in our heads.

Seeking approval from those we desire affection.
All in all we desire a deep connection.

It came from our parents, our, siblings, our friends,
It came from our culture, our race, the trends.

This feeling of inadequacy that doesn’t subside.
It causes us stress, grief, and pain inside.

We have become jealous like Cain with Able.
We chose not to believe the truth over a fable.

We compare ourselves to others only to discover our flaws.
We exaggerate our weaknesses, our value, and our cause.

We have adapted a victim mentality,
Clinching tighter to our pain.

If only our parents would have done this different,
and our teachers done that.
Our dreams would not have been crushed,
and our wallets would be fat.

Truth is… We agree with the lies we have been told;
Especially the ones we tell ourselves.

We put limits on what we view as risk.
We hesitate in fear and apprehension,
And, untrusting we recoil.

Night terrors haunt us like the unrest of weary soldiers.
Still, day after day we begrudgingly toil.

When success eventually comes on any level,
The unresolved what’s next is soon to follow.

When will our world cave in and all the naysayers win?
Such negative foreboding can prod the most optimistic people.

We affirm the discouraging words,
Giving ear to such negative things.
When we push past disappointment we struggle to hang on,
Praying our coping mechanisms will be faithful.

Our peace has been tested.
Our faith has been tried.

Our support systems stretched,
As they know us well and can judge just as harsh.

When we do walk in humility, confidence, & safety,
It feels like we have to fight to remain there.

To relinquish control and live in freedom appears irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous.
Instead of walking in faith and love,
We choose to entertain our fears and trust their ability to deliver.

Wholeness is hard,
Truth is more than perspective,
And the right thing comes from the heart,
Not because we are told we should.


Pretty Woman

     “She’s so pretty,” the words every girl wants to hear about herself. However, it is what she believes about herself that is more important. It is where she defines her beauty that actually makes her attractive. Beauty goes beyond skin deep. It goes into the depths of a woman’s soul. The most radiant women light up a room when they exude confidence. They shine when they operate from the inside out and they leave you wanting.

The woman who is average in the looks department or even less than, may hide her beauty. She willingly betrays her feminine side as she puts in little to no effort to accentuate her God given allure. She down plays her appearance as it has become an evil bane to be avoided. Rejection stings like a blistering sunburn. She covers herself up or avoids light altogether. While she protects herself from such hurt she also squelches her free spirit.

Why is that so many strong women come across as closed off, uptight, and pretentious? She may be well dressed, up-kept, organized, and assertive, yet she is intimidating. She can put off an aura of invulnerability. A vast majority of men find her intimidating and thereby avoid her. This woman lives under an umbrella even when the sun is out, not being admired and adored for their strengths. She may even begin to pretend she is ugly.

Other females who are educated and have intellectual thoughts can become torn and even annoyed with those who live at a superficial level. The overemphasized outward beauty and the under appreciated inward development causes us to question our world’s priorities. Pink’s song “Stupid girls” is a prime example, “She’s so pretty, that just ain’t me.”

We all know these women. The cute girl with a pretty face and a gorgeous, hot body. She is easy to be envious of. She emanates sex appeal. She has desirability. She’s been endowed with the art of seduction without trying. Life seems to come easy for her. She acts carefree, happy, silly, and innocent as boys linger at her every word… or so it appears. However, her beauty is fleeting and her charm is deceptive. Her insecurities are endless and her fears overwhelming. Her identity is based on something temporal, therefore it is only a matter of time before her value depreciates quicker than the US dollar.

But being acknowledged for her physical appearance has brought her a long way.  Many like the Kim Kardashians of the world are beautiful and even business minded, yet the remain shallow. With no depth of person, she has no deep well in which to draw from. She may be moved with compassion by the latest “social justice” fads, but she herself is starving for truth. Though she is gorgeous with a mind of her own, often times she simply does not develop it. She overcompensates with materialism as her looks have become her primary facet. Her world crumbles as she ages. Like the queen in Snow White she grasps for potions and seeks the fountain of youth.

On the other hand, the Jenny McCarthys use their beauty as a platform. Though she may flaunt her outward beauty, it has become a vehicle to gain the attention of her real worth of being an articulate educator. In this juxtaposition, she develops an “I don’t give a F**k attitude” which tends to sting like a slap in the face if one payed her a genuine compliment. They fall to the floor as she has no container in which to hold them. She utterly believes her beauty is not a virtue to be extolled, but a weakness to be exploited. It is often her knee jerk reaction to a cruel life of abuse where she does what she has to to survive. She plays the part, but struggles with love. As in Jon Mclaughlin’s song, She feels “…there is no difference betweens the lies and compliments if everyone leaves her.”

It is the Marilyn Monroes of society who have become the most self-destructive. Her desire to “belong”, to be “wonderful”, to be loved for “herself” are her driving motivations. Her self inflicted torment and torture engrosses her being. It only takes a simple read through Marilyn’s famous quotes to hear the longings of her heart. We find the root of her pain in her statement – “No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t.”

What is in her mind has become her reality. Similar to the movie Inception she can no longer distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless she chooses to believe the truth, not her presuppositions and reasonings, but the true truth, she will be consumed by the lies she accepts to sleep with. Riddled with shame and filled with unbridled pain she has no place for her heart to call home.
She sell her priceless treasures for mere money, or gives them away for free simply because she does not know her worth. She is not willing to wait for someone to pay the cost. She believes there is no one who will put in the effort to pursue her heart. She desires respect and appreciation, yet she opens the door to thieves. She acts desperate and violates her own heart by not holding out for an offer of real love.

She is the girl who lives in constant comparison to others. She lives in lack and hurts the most believing she will always fall short. She can try and try to the best of her ability but she will never be good enough to be genuinely wanted. She may have wisps  of affection, echoes of love, and muddy reflections of respect, but in the end she dies alone.

Are we as women destined to do one of these things? Do we quit before we start, saving ourselves from a world of hurt? Do we preemptively decide there is no hope for us and simply forfeit? Or do we strive for unattainable perfection thereby validating our inadequacies and ultimately throwing out any all real beauty we possess? How is it we live with no hope, no attainable aspirations, and no trust in the truth? How has our beauty become our own worst enemy?

In my all time favorite movie Pretty Woman eventually the girl finally gets it. She reminds me much of myself: red hair, big smile, loves cars, and independent. She doesn’t use drugs and has a head full of dreams. She, like the me of the past, also did not know her worth. Through the process of experiencing love and letting go of fears, she realizes she is destined to be more than a call girl. She wants it all, and finally, when she discovers who she is, she is willing to wait for someone who will give her everything. Her time has come to be seen, to be heard, and to be known.

Though there may have been abuses in our lives, we can not live in blame of others. More precisely, we cannot live in blame of men. Though we have been neglected, overlooked, or under appreciated, ultimately we are responsible for our own actions. What we do in life is a direct response to what we believe. If we seek approval from the outside in we will continually be working on our outsides. If our certainty is from a strong internal foundation from the inside out, we then glow simply because of who we are.


%d bloggers like this: