Tag Archives: Men

Pretty Woman

     “She’s so pretty,” the words every girl wants to hear about herself. However, it is what she believes about herself that is more important. It is where she defines her beauty that actually makes her attractive. Beauty goes beyond skin deep. It goes into the depths of a woman’s soul. The most radiant women light up a room when they exude confidence. They shine when they operate from the inside out and they leave you wanting.

The woman who is average in the looks department or even less than, may hide her beauty. She willingly betrays her feminine side as she puts in little to no effort to accentuate her God given allure. She down plays her appearance as it has become an evil bane to be avoided. Rejection stings like a blistering sunburn. She covers herself up or avoids light altogether. While she protects herself from such hurt she also squelches her free spirit.

Why is that so many strong women come across as closed off, uptight, and pretentious? She may be well dressed, up-kept, organized, and assertive, yet she is intimidating. She can put off an aura of invulnerability. A vast majority of men find her intimidating and thereby avoid her. This woman lives under an umbrella even when the sun is out, not being admired and adored for their strengths. She may even begin to pretend she is ugly.

Other females who are educated and have intellectual thoughts can become torn and even annoyed with those who live at a superficial level. The overemphasized outward beauty and the under appreciated inward development causes us to question our world’s priorities. Pink’s song “Stupid girls” is a prime example, “She’s so pretty, that just ain’t me.”

We all know these women. The cute girl with a pretty face and a gorgeous, hot body. She is easy to be envious of. She emanates sex appeal. She has desirability. She’s been endowed with the art of seduction without trying. Life seems to come easy for her. She acts carefree, happy, silly, and innocent as boys linger at her every word… or so it appears. However, her beauty is fleeting and her charm is deceptive. Her insecurities are endless and her fears overwhelming. Her identity is based on something temporal, therefore it is only a matter of time before her value depreciates quicker than the US dollar.

But being acknowledged for her physical appearance has brought her a long way.  Many like the Kim Kardashians of the world are beautiful and even business minded, yet the remain shallow. With no depth of person, she has no deep well in which to draw from. She may be moved with compassion by the latest “social justice” fads, but she herself is starving for truth. Though she is gorgeous with a mind of her own, often times she simply does not develop it. She overcompensates with materialism as her looks have become her primary facet. Her world crumbles as she ages. Like the queen in Snow White she grasps for potions and seeks the fountain of youth.

On the other hand, the Jenny McCarthys use their beauty as a platform. Though she may flaunt her outward beauty, it has become a vehicle to gain the attention of her real worth of being an articulate educator. In this juxtaposition, she develops an “I don’t give a F**k attitude” which tends to sting like a slap in the face if one payed her a genuine compliment. They fall to the floor as she has no container in which to hold them. She utterly believes her beauty is not a virtue to be extolled, but a weakness to be exploited. It is often her knee jerk reaction to a cruel life of abuse where she does what she has to to survive. She plays the part, but struggles with love. As in Jon Mclaughlin’s song, She feels “…there is no difference betweens the lies and compliments if everyone leaves her.”

It is the Marilyn Monroes of society who have become the most self-destructive. Her desire to “belong”, to be “wonderful”, to be loved for “herself” are her driving motivations. Her self inflicted torment and torture engrosses her being. It only takes a simple read through Marilyn’s famous quotes to hear the longings of her heart. We find the root of her pain in her statement – “No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t.”

What is in her mind has become her reality. Similar to the movie Inception she can no longer distinguish fantasy from reality. Unless she chooses to believe the truth, not her presuppositions and reasonings, but the true truth, she will be consumed by the lies she accepts to sleep with. Riddled with shame and filled with unbridled pain she has no place for her heart to call home.
She sell her priceless treasures for mere money, or gives them away for free simply because she does not know her worth. She is not willing to wait for someone to pay the cost. She believes there is no one who will put in the effort to pursue her heart. She desires respect and appreciation, yet she opens the door to thieves. She acts desperate and violates her own heart by not holding out for an offer of real love.

She is the girl who lives in constant comparison to others. She lives in lack and hurts the most believing she will always fall short. She can try and try to the best of her ability but she will never be good enough to be genuinely wanted. She may have wisps  of affection, echoes of love, and muddy reflections of respect, but in the end she dies alone.

Are we as women destined to do one of these things? Do we quit before we start, saving ourselves from a world of hurt? Do we preemptively decide there is no hope for us and simply forfeit? Or do we strive for unattainable perfection thereby validating our inadequacies and ultimately throwing out any all real beauty we possess? How is it we live with no hope, no attainable aspirations, and no trust in the truth? How has our beauty become our own worst enemy?

In my all time favorite movie Pretty Woman eventually the girl finally gets it. She reminds me much of myself: red hair, big smile, loves cars, and independent. She doesn’t use drugs and has a head full of dreams. She, like the me of the past, also did not know her worth. Through the process of experiencing love and letting go of fears, she realizes she is destined to be more than a call girl. She wants it all, and finally, when she discovers who she is, she is willing to wait for someone who will give her everything. Her time has come to be seen, to be heard, and to be known.

Though there may have been abuses in our lives, we can not live in blame of others. More precisely, we cannot live in blame of men. Though we have been neglected, overlooked, or under appreciated, ultimately we are responsible for our own actions. What we do in life is a direct response to what we believe. If we seek approval from the outside in we will continually be working on our outsides. If our certainty is from a strong internal foundation from the inside out, we then glow simply because of who we are.


More Than A Few Good Men

     I came across this article asking the question, “Are Men Necessary?” and it got me thinking. I was raised around a majority of boys. At times I found myself wishing I was one. I viewed them as emotionless, carefree, and adventurous. As I grew up I discovered they are actually full of emotions. That being the case, many were never taught to manage their emotions. They did, however, easily display frustration, anger, and avoidance. I also discovered they are not all carefree. Many men are heavily burdened, worried, and tired. They are deep wells, full of concern and carrying a heavy load. This often contributes to their negatively charged outbursts. Lastly, I discovered most men leave their adventurous days in years of boyhood. They grow up and begin to fear risk, fear failure, and often walk away before they even begin any kind of unfamiliar endeavor.

     What happened to this gender I admired? Men who once were seen to bring strength, courage, and hope to the table, are they now cowards, shallow “assholes”, or passive aggressive? Is it really true? Are men really unnecessary?

     But then I started thinking about the men I have come to know and love over the years. The men I adore provide comfort and stability. They are a source of truth, affirmation, and wisdom. The men that capture my attention are those who are still adventurous; those who see what they want and pursue it with tenacity; those who see obstacles as challenges to be overcome. The men I take note of have standards and convictions. Are they perfect? Maybe not in the normal understanding of the word perfect, but maybe that’s what we need: men perfect because they are okay with being men. They are tough like Clint Eastwood in Grand Torino. They are merciful like Jean Valjean in Les Misérables. They are wise like Mr. Miyagi, fun like Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates, and humble like John Coffee in The Green Mile. All this and they make you feel loved like a Nicholas Sparks movie.

     The good ones may not always know what to do or how to do it, but that does not keep them from trying. They put in the effort to be good fathers, good husbands, and good men in general. They keep their eyes on the prize, staying focused no matter what comes their way. They may make mistakes, they may falter, they may even veer off course, yet they will stay true to their hearts. Even though they may have a proverbial good sense of direction, they are humble enough to ask for for input, to ask directions from those around them, knowing they will find due north through the wisdom of many counselors.

     Goodness resides in their core of these men. They want more than mere existence. The men I look up to understand the value of a woman, they know the meaning of team work, and they appreciate discussions of substance. My hero’s are those that have stood the test of time and remain standing. They have fought for what they have believed in. They have not sacrificed others to get where they are going. They love fearlessly and defend ferociously. Though the ones I love make mistakes, they own their mistakes and learn from them, harnessing the wisdom gained into a gale of world changing force.

     Good men may be hard to find.  They are few and far between. They are rare, priceless gems and should be treated like the invaluable treasures they really are. Many of them have fought to get to where they are. They may have been fatherless, left to learn man skills on their own. They may have built a repitiore of hero’s they model themselves after. However they developed their character, we can be sure it has been tested and tried, and it shines through  faithfully.  Within this type of man, a woman can discover her own worth. She can be vulnerable, appreciate her own value without diminishing his, and let her beauty speak for itself. On real men, true men, good men, we can lay our heads on their chests and rest. We can call them home. We find solitude in their arms. We acknowledge peace in their words. We find life in their soul.

     Even good men may not have always comprehended consciously love in it’s fullness, but eventually they display it with every part of their being. They may not have always been a source of strength, but in the end they make you feel strong. Good men finish what they start. And really good men help others finish what they start too.

     So, thanks to all the good men out there. We are glad you are here. You are necessary, and we appreciate you.


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